


Ten Thousand Saints

by victorylap



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, all the boys are just sad, may be more definite relationships in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 18:49:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1195674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victorylap/pseuds/victorylap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They all saw it coming they just never knew when.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Thousand Saints

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time posting on AO3 so bear with me!

Louis finds him lying outside on the cold, hard, cement sidewalk. He was on his way to his apartment to check up on him, but it seems his actions were futile. Nothing makes sense in that moment. Harry’s head is slung to one side while his arms are splayed out across the sidewalk, looking like a scene out of CSI. Louis wonders how nobody took time out of their day to stop and care for a young boy whose body was now on display for the whole city to stare at.

Now Harry just looks like a tragedy- another young popstar’s life ending too soon. Louis wants to know why the hell nobody cared for him when he was half alive, eyes still flickering with light. The city only seems to care when his limbs have gone completely cold and his skin is tinted blue. They never want to put the effort into saving someone; the city only wants one thing, and that’s entertainment. Louis thinks this is the sickest form of entertainment he has ever witnessed.

Louis still isn’t completely void of shock when he reaches into his pocket for his cellphone. He thinks maybe this is all a dream that he can wake up from; he’s had these nightmares for a while now. Liam picks up the phone after two rings and Louis can hardly keep his voice steady enough to explain to Liam what he’s just witnessed.

“This isn’t real Liam, right? This is all some kind of sick dream?”

“Lou, shhh it’s fine I’m coming down to get you. You’re outside his apartment right? Stay there for a minute.”

Louis’ not sure who hung up first but he feels himself shaking now just waiting for Liam to come and find him. In the meantime he sits down on the cold ground, far enough away from Harry that he can pretend he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember the white of his skin, the wind brushing back his hair, the way his fingers looked frozen over. He doesn’t remember any of it because this isn’t real.

He thinks this until he hears a gasp from Liam’s mouth that shakes him out of his daydream. Louis’ never heard such a noise from anyone, let alone Liam, and now all he can think is how could I let him come down here and see this for himself. Why didn’t I save Liam from this? _Fuck_ , why didn’t I save Harry from this?

Just as he starts to snap back into his daydream Liam puts a hand on his shoulder and starts to dial someone to take care of this. Louis isn’t sure who deals with this kind of stuff. An ambulance is supposed to save people not pick up dead ones. Louis assumes he should know this, but, hell, he’s never had to deal with a dead body before. The thought sends shivers down his spine and all he wants to do is crawl up in a warm bed and forget all of this.

He gets his wish soon enough when Liam has sorted out all the trivial things and ushers Louis up into their apartment building. Liam’s eyes don’t appear to be red, but he knows he has been crying. He makes a slight groan when the door opens to Liam’s apartment and he runs towards the couch seeking solitude. For a second Louis forgets about Niall and Zayn, but just as he looks up to Liam to express the guilt, Liam nods and says “they’re on their way.”

Louis doesn’t know if he can bear to see their faces. He can’t see any more faces turn the pale white color that Harry’s had. Louis’ mind runs on overdrive for the next couple minutes before sleep overtakes him. His last thoughts before he falls into anything but a restless sleep are why and how and could I and would I and most importantly _Harry._

*

He wakes up to the warmth of Liam’s apartment provided by the peaceful fireplace glowing several feet in front of him. He wonders when it got so dark out, but he really doesn’t care  much about that. He cares about the others and where they are and then he remembers the other members only consists of three faces now.

Niall’s the first one he sees and he wishes he were the last. He loves the Irishmen, but the way his pale skin contrasts with the fiery red from crying makes Louis want to hide away for weeks so he never has to witness it again. Niall’s eyes meet Louis’ after several seconds and Niall’s void of any emotion and Louis feels he may understand him after all. Niall moves into the kitchen without saying anything and moments later reemerges with two mugs full of tea. He stares at Louis for several seconds and then diverts his eyes to the setting sun outside.

“You think we could have saved him?”

Louis jerks his head to the right, definitely not expecting that to be the first thing to come out of the blonde’s mouth. Maybe an “I can’t believe this” or a “god I miss him”, but under the circumstances this seems to be an accurate question. Louis hesitates, not because he doesn’t know the answer but because he doesn’t want it to be real. Finally he settles on the honest approach because that’s what could have saved them all from this tragedy.

“I know we could have.”

*

Several days later when the funeral has come and gone and the neighbors have stopped coming by to give their condolences, they all huddle up by the fire and try to forget about the last week. They watch _Toy Story_ , a request from Liam that nobody had the heart to say no to. They all need to wind down after this week and a children’s movie seems just the place to start. They don’t even try to stifle a laugh when anything funny happens. When the movie ends they all stare into the darkness of Liam’s apartment, their new living quarters, and feel just as empty as they had when the movie began.

Louis who is sitting with Liam’s legs in his lap takes a deep inhale that results in a sob. He doesn’t mean to start crying, really it’s the only thing he wants to stop doing, but he can’t help his body as it begins to shake and tremble. Liam sits up and moves closer as he puts an arm around Louis shoulder. Liam pulls Louis in to his chest and waits for the moment to subside. Zayn and Niall have now huddled together themselves on the adjacent armchair.

It’s been like this for a few days now. Every couple of hours one of them, excluding Liam, will break down into a sobbing session and the others offer compassion and support. They aren’t sure when it started happening, can’t really remember anything in the past week, but now it happens like clockwork and they aren’t certain at this point that they will be able to stop it.

Louis muffles his last sob into Liam’s now moist t-shirt and mutters something Liam can’t quite catch.

“What was that Lou?”

“I said do you think we should have-you know said something to him?” Then Louis’ mind is racing at a hundred miles a minute and he can’t stop the words that flow out. “Do you think we should have just done something? I mean we were there the whole time just sitting there. He was wasting away and we knew and we saw but we didn’t listen and we didn’t say anything. Maybe he just needed us to recognize it or maybe he needed us to approach him. God we could have said something, we could have told Paul and we could have showed him it didn’t have to be like that. We could have taken him to a doctor. I don’t really know what but…”

He goes off like that, his voice shaking with sobs, for what feels like hours to the other boys. They can’t really stop him or tell him he’s wrong because they all know what he’s saying is the truth. The digital clock placed on the table side moves rapidly as Louis speaks, the red lights flashing before their eyes. Liam feels like he might be going insane with the amount of noise coming from Louis lips, he keeps getting louder and louder.

“Louis, please I can’t talk about this anymore. I can’t hear all the things we could have done. All I know is what we didn’t do and that’s why we are here.”

Louis looks shocked that Liam has given up this easily to his response. He didn’t offer any words of wisdom, any hint of hope. He looks disheveled at best and it hits Louis harder than ever. He glances to where Niall and Zayn are sitting, tangled in each other’s extremities. He looks into their eyes and sees the same kind of remorse Liam is displaying.

He wonders if this is how they looked before Harry went off the rails. He wonders if they looked like this from the beginning. Louis’ life use to be split up into three sections: his life before the X-Factor, the honeymoon phase, and the down word spiral of Harry Styles. Now looking at his best friends he sees the sections all blur into one. He can’t recall if Zayn ever actually smiled, he can’t see a laugh emerging on Niall’s face after a concert, he can’t see the childish grin on Liam’s face, and he certainly can’t picture Harry other than the time he saw him lying face up on the concrete. He wonders when all the happiness drained out of his life, and most of all he wonders if this will ever change. Will there be a section four of his life? He really can’t imagine any phase where Harry isn’t alive. 

 


End file.
